3 little boys in a Camper-van
Joel, Thomas and James were normally healthy babies. Joel and James hit all of their milestones until approximately 18 months. Joel stopped talking at around about the age of 18 months, Thomas never really babbled once he started walking it was as if that became his focus. James on the other hand stopped talking at about the same time as his eldest brother Joel but then began talking again. All three boys have autism.
We always struggled with going out to restaurants. Many times people would glare at us as our child screamed or threw food around. However it gradually became harder and harder to get Joel and Thomas into a restaurant like McDonalds, so the drive thru was a godsend. Eating picnics in the car was ok but it was cramped and when we had to also carry special needs buggies for both children the car became even more so then there were the nappy changes that needed to happen, having to get them some how into a service station toilet often having to lay them on a disgusting floor. All of these things got us thinking about a way we could remedy these issues. Our first solution to this was to buy a day van. A dark blue Citroen Dispatch Combi a 9 seater Minibus like vehicle. It wasn't much to look at it and the electric windows often got stuck down, but it suited us down to the ground. To us this was like a test run before we started to look at something else.
Other people just didn't get it "why have you bought a van? they would say. "You only have 2 children." We just ignored them this was our lifeline the boys enjoyed eating McDonalds in it, we had a camping table and a stove and kettle. One day we bought McDonalds happy meals and then drove to Queen Elizabeth Country Park in Hampshire. While the boys eat their happy meals we enjoyed a quite cup of tea, for the first time being able to relax knowing our boys are safe while we just took five minutes out. Joel from a young age became accomplished at managing to escape from the house, as fast as we could secure the house he would be one step ahead of us. The van meant we could go out, we also had a large enough boot for both boys large special needs buggies. Gradually others such as close family realised the importance of this van.
It's great to have an idea and however stupid others think it is you go with it anyway because you know deep down it is the right thing to do .
After a year or so with this Van, we realised that yes it was great but the camping table took up too much room, the van didn't have any awning and it had the suspension similar to a hard table, feeling every bump in the road. We thought about Camper-vans but even a cheap Bongo was out of our grasp financially.
James came along in 2015. There are 6 years between James and our middle son Thomas. We just wanted another baby. This is partly my fault ok it is a lot my fault as I became broody. Having held a colleagues baby it brought back great memories of holding Joel and Thomas when they were babies. At first Claire didn't agree with me but after she wanted another baby too. We had thought what would happen if our third child also developed autism, at first this thought was too frightening but then we both decided if they also had autism then it would just be one more and lets face we have gained lots of knowledge, skills and contacts in the autism community. The greatest thing is we will have a beautiful baby.
Like our other two boys James a beautiful baby he was doing well, walking at the right time, babbling and saying his first words all at the right time according to the 0 to 5 plan given to us by the health visitor. Our other two had obviously not read the book as they did not follow this plan. However well James progressed we started to notice things he did or didn't do, such as he didn't point which can be a classic sign of developmental delay. The health visitor and our family doctor tried to reassure us that he was a normal health baby and we are just worrying because of Joel and Thomas. At the 18 month check with the health visitor we asked her to refer James to the paediatrician. She reassured us that she could find nothing wrong with James and we were just worrying unnecessarily but we persisted and she reluctantly agreed. The paediatrician we saw was the same one who had been paediatrician to our other 2 boys. At the first appointment the paediatrician (Dr Andrews which is not his real name) tried to get James to feed the doll with a spoon, match shapes and so on. he managed quite a few things but instead of feeding the doll drank from the cup himself. Ok I thought this isn't so bad. Dr Andrews gave nothing away he just said he wanted to see him again in 6 months time.
When you hear those words your child has autism it doesn't matter how prepared you are for this or if you know it already, those words hit you like a large weight. When you child is born you think of how perfect they are, so to be told there is something wrong with them it hurts. It hurt us particularly hard as my sister has autism, as far as I knew she was the only one with autism and severe learning disabilities and after countless tests no one knew why she is the way she is. After Thomas was diagnosed my dad told me about cousins of mine I have never met who also have children with autism. So no longer was it a mere chance happening it was genetics my family have a strong autism gene whatever that gene is. As this is very much up for debate at the moment perhaps it is better for me to say they have a strong bias towards autism. More I learnt about autism, I realised the link between my dyspraxia and autism and noticed other members of my family with autistic traits. (Hand flapping and so on) I also noticed my own traits of autism some of which I later found were actually tics and not simply stims.
I felt awful, it was all my fault. If only I had known.
How could I have known, my dad's family is so huge, nobody had mentioned anything about any other relatives having children with special needs. My parents always told me about the brain wave scan my sister had which showed her brain waves are normal and it just happened by accident.
When Joel was diagnosed we were promised a book from the national autistic society but didn't have a copy left and 8 years on we still do not have that book. No matter we both read as much as we could, contacted local support groups, met some amazing parents who had been where we are now we also attended the National Autistic Society early bird program. It was fantastic we met other parents going through the same things as us and we learnt together including iceberg charts (The behaviour is only the tip of the iceberg the cause or causes are below the surface) We autism parents have to be good detectives especially if our child cannot talk.
Isolation
Having a child with additional needs can be very isolating. Friends you made at your antenatal classes no longer visit you or talk to you. Other children don't invite your child to their parties, going to family get togethers becomes near impossible as your child is the one breaking things and having constant meltdowns. Everyone means well by saying it's ok it's only a priceless ming vase, but you feel awful all the same. People also don't know what to say. That is why being able to get out of the house is so important.
After two years with the Citroen we looked at brand new Volkswagen California Camper-vans. However with 3 children the traditional camper van would be too small and not have enough seats. Luckily Volkswagen also produce a camper-van without a kitchen which has 7 seats.
I forgot to mention neither boy could sit next to each other. Thomas would bite Joel, pull hair and so on so we had to keep them separated being at least a seat apart. Baby James sat in the middle row of the Citroen to keep him safe from his older brother. We also needed carers to help out when taking the boys out so 7 seats was a necessity. Our van had 3 seat in the very front which meant we couldn't quickly get into the back of the van if there was a problem with either boys while we were driving. As you can imagine the Volkswagen camper-vans are not cheap however we looked at leasing a Volkswagen Transporter through the motability scheme but we would have to pay a deposit of upwards of £6,000 to cover the difference between the amount of money from the disabled living allowance and the cost of the van for 3 years. (This is known as an advance payment).
We thought if we had to pay between £6,000 and £8000 on a vehicle we will never own it is better to buy something we like. Having looked around the Volkswagen range we worked out we needed something more versatile than the transporter with it's fixed seats. The Caravelle and the California have tracks in the floor so you can push the seats all the way back for more space in the van of forward to get more boot space. The California came out on top as it not only ticked all the boxes but offered us an opportunity to go away camping in the van with James. It was an opportunity for us to taste the freedom of owning a camper van.
Only one minor problem!
Yes that's right we had no money or a vehicle with enough worth to be able to part exchange. After lots of praying our prayers were finally answered. My grandma left us some money enough to buy a camper-van, my mum had died 7 years earlier so some money came to me and my sister. It was a bitter sweet feeling enough money for what we need but I would rather still have my mum here, not a day goes by when I don't think of her. My mum had breast cancer and died about 6 months before Thomas was born. I wish she was still here.
We went to the Van Centre and test drove a California Beach. We had decided we would wait until next year when the lease on our Citroen finished. A couple of weeks later we had a phone call from the dealer telling us that California was due to be delivered within the next couple of weeks and the purchasers had pulled out at the last minute. Were we interested. Yes but we were too late someone else had already put a offer in for this. However there was a red one ordered by the same rental company that would be arriving soon, without hesitation I said yes we are interested and paid a holding deposit over the phone. It was so exciting. Just after this I was admitted to hospital with chest and left arm pain. The flu virus had damaged my left ventricle so it was only working at 49%. The left ventricle pumps blood around the entire body, the right ventricle pumps blood to the lungs. So the thought of getting a camper van filled me with wonder, after all life is too short and I must grab every opportunity with both hands I thought. A camper van is just what I need.
3 years on and Cali has been a life changer. She is fantastic! She is the key to successful family days out My wife and I have also managed 2 nights away camping. Win win. What I've gained from this is never give up on your dreams.
Cheers!
When Joel was diagnosed we were promised a book from the national autistic society but didn't have a copy left and 8 years on we still do not have that book. No matter we both read as much as we could, contacted local support groups, met some amazing parents who had been where we are now we also attended the National Autistic Society early bird program. It was fantastic we met other parents going through the same things as us and we learnt together including iceberg charts (The behaviour is only the tip of the iceberg the cause or causes are below the surface) We autism parents have to be good detectives especially if our child cannot talk.
Isolation
Having a child with additional needs can be very isolating. Friends you made at your antenatal classes no longer visit you or talk to you. Other children don't invite your child to their parties, going to family get togethers becomes near impossible as your child is the one breaking things and having constant meltdowns. Everyone means well by saying it's ok it's only a priceless ming vase, but you feel awful all the same. People also don't know what to say. That is why being able to get out of the house is so important.
After two years with the Citroen we looked at brand new Volkswagen California Camper-vans. However with 3 children the traditional camper van would be too small and not have enough seats. Luckily Volkswagen also produce a camper-van without a kitchen which has 7 seats.
I forgot to mention neither boy could sit next to each other. Thomas would bite Joel, pull hair and so on so we had to keep them separated being at least a seat apart. Baby James sat in the middle row of the Citroen to keep him safe from his older brother. We also needed carers to help out when taking the boys out so 7 seats was a necessity. Our van had 3 seat in the very front which meant we couldn't quickly get into the back of the van if there was a problem with either boys while we were driving. As you can imagine the Volkswagen camper-vans are not cheap however we looked at leasing a Volkswagen Transporter through the motability scheme but we would have to pay a deposit of upwards of £6,000 to cover the difference between the amount of money from the disabled living allowance and the cost of the van for 3 years. (This is known as an advance payment).
We thought if we had to pay between £6,000 and £8000 on a vehicle we will never own it is better to buy something we like. Having looked around the Volkswagen range we worked out we needed something more versatile than the transporter with it's fixed seats. The Caravelle and the California have tracks in the floor so you can push the seats all the way back for more space in the van of forward to get more boot space. The California came out on top as it not only ticked all the boxes but offered us an opportunity to go away camping in the van with James. It was an opportunity for us to taste the freedom of owning a camper van.
Only one minor problem!
Yes that's right we had no money or a vehicle with enough worth to be able to part exchange. After lots of praying our prayers were finally answered. My grandma left us some money enough to buy a camper-van, my mum had died 7 years earlier so some money came to me and my sister. It was a bitter sweet feeling enough money for what we need but I would rather still have my mum here, not a day goes by when I don't think of her. My mum had breast cancer and died about 6 months before Thomas was born. I wish she was still here.
We went to the Van Centre and test drove a California Beach. We had decided we would wait until next year when the lease on our Citroen finished. A couple of weeks later we had a phone call from the dealer telling us that California was due to be delivered within the next couple of weeks and the purchasers had pulled out at the last minute. Were we interested. Yes but we were too late someone else had already put a offer in for this. However there was a red one ordered by the same rental company that would be arriving soon, without hesitation I said yes we are interested and paid a holding deposit over the phone. It was so exciting. Just after this I was admitted to hospital with chest and left arm pain. The flu virus had damaged my left ventricle so it was only working at 49%. The left ventricle pumps blood around the entire body, the right ventricle pumps blood to the lungs. So the thought of getting a camper van filled me with wonder, after all life is too short and I must grab every opportunity with both hands I thought. A camper van is just what I need.
Cali our campervan.
Cheers!
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