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I don't want to be me

Why do I want to re-invent my story? Whoever you are, we all have a story to tell.  Story doesn't mean made up, it refers to our life.  The things that happened to us.

Looking back I have always tried to be someone else in the hope that other people will like me.  However much I have tried not to I still end up following that program. It is as if I am not enough.  

But what if?
What if people actually like me as me? Sorry this could get very confusing.  I need to just be me without sugar coating it or apologising.  Am I not enough that I have to become James Bond?   Don't get me wrong escapism is great and there is a lot we can learn from these characters.  However sadly they all have their flaws. Bond has his love of women and desire to self destruct. Deep down bond is lonely. Yes he is macho but he doesn't have any friends or family. Friends get killed.  Just think if bond were real he might be wishing he were someone else too.  Someone like you and me. 

Anyway if people like me for the mask I have on, then my friendship with them is a lie.  As they only like me for who they think I am. 

Make sure to love yourself today. Remember we will all make mistakes, we will all return to our original program which once kept us feeling safe but now does not. It doesn't matter.

A friend summed it up perfectly.  "This is a life's work not just something that will be done in  a day." Something I have learned on my journey through different types of therapy is you can never go back to where you were. Even when you slip back you will never be as far back as you were before.  Everyday you are gaining new tools which help you along the way. 

Thank you reading this and joining me on my journey.  Don't forget to leave a message if you have any questions or if you just want to talk   Times are tough right now but I'm here for you.

Sending love to you all x

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