Thoughts and feelings. Feelings are extremely fickle. One minute they are up and I feel ok, then the next moment they are down. Why? I am currently listening to “The Chimp Paradox” by Prof Steve Peters.
Often in neuropsychology, the brain is separated into the reptilian brain and the bird brain. The reptilian including parts of the brain that do things without us even being conscious of it. The bird however is part of the brain which requires some thought. You will see in some books it is split into the lower and higher brain. Enough with these explanations, Peter's point is the chimp acts without, evidence or reflective thought. When we feel low but are not sure why this is often caused by the chimp. You know someone is in chimp mode when they use words like a feel rather than I think. Don’t get me wrong sometimes our emotions can alert us to dangers, indeed that is what this part of the brain did.
Now the chimp is unhappy but when I think about why I feel like this I realise there is no concrete reason for me to jump to this conclusion albeit a hunch, a feeling that something is not right. What caused that feeling? While I was on the phone explaining I can do some shifts next weekend and asking if they have shifts available, the lady put me on hold and then said the manager will call me back. An innocent enough comment but one which made me feel uneasy with thoughts like that’s it, they don’t want me anymore. She has obviously decided I am no longer good enough to work for them as a nurse. My chimp is getting anxious, I then start thinking I am no good, I might as well not be here anymore. My human brain or higher brain begins to analyse the evidence but cannot find any. The emotions are still there but I know that I shall just have to wait for the phone call from the manager to find out if the chimp was correct.
If we allow our chimp to control our thoughts and actions, this could lead to us being caused problems write Peters. An example of the chimp is taking control is Jim is waiting for his date Helen to arrive at the cinema. There are still no signs of her, no call, text, or anything to say why she has not arrived. The chimp then starts to think she has stood me up, she is not coming now, what is the point of watching this film it is too late. Helen then arrives before she has a chance to apologise or explain Jim’s chimp launches into a full-on verbal attack. Helen then explains she had found someone lying in the road and her phone was being used to contact the emergency services, she even stayed with the person while help arrived. Jim’s chimp feels remorseful, but it is too late, the damage has already been done.
The chimp will often make our first thought about a situation but don’t let it make the second or subsequent thoughts after that. The chimp thinks in all or nothing ways whereas the human part of the brain thinks in logic. This time I have managed to calm my chimp down and I am waiting for the call back from the manager.
In my counseling session last week, the counselor asked me who the boss I was struggling with reminded me of. He said because I am still feeling the emotions it is something that happened to me in childhood. The bad boss maybe reminding me of an authoritarian family member. Perhaps when I was 8 years old being bullied by the teacher in school. I found this move back into my past very uncomfortable. Suddenly I am back in the classroom feeling scared and not understanding why the teacher has just hit me and not wanting to make any mistakes. However, I didn’t know how to stop making mistakes. These memories trigger me to feel all the feelings I felt back then. I was sexually abused the first time at age 4 or 5 and throughout my childhood and into adulthood. Added to this I was bullied, I often feel broken and alone. When I am being chastised, I often feel like that frightened little boy all over again. My mind goes blank and my tics worsen.
Comments