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Finally taste freedom

hat have I achieved?
I often sit with my thoughts.  This can be an intensely emotional time but also one I enjoy.  I like spending time with me.  I struggle with other people.  Their thoughts and opinions. Sometimes just their presence scares me.  I always feel I am not enough as I am.  

My 45-year-old self talking to my 15-year-old self

The first thing I want to tell you is you are enough! You will see that you will achieve so much. 

You are autistic and always have been and guess what that is ok. You are you and bring so much love to the lives of others.  You have a bunch of other neurodiversities (Dyspraxia, Tourettes etc) but they make you, you. Some people think you are weird but you are gorgeous and you have a heart as big as the ocean. Quoting your friend Anna.  Be kind to yourself.  You have been through so much. Psychologically and physically abused by your teachers and fellow pupils. Not to mention the times' people touched you when you didn't want them too,  but felt powerless to stop them. They didn't listen to you when you said no, stop.  But it isn't your fault, you were so little and also struggled to understand the world.   You are doing so well right now, I know it doesn't felt like it but you are. Mum and dad love you so much,  they are just so busy looking after Maxine.  You have had to grow up so fast to be her big protective brother.  She loves you back so much too. 

Just keep going.  You will make mistakes but use them as a learning opportunity. 

Don't listen to the teachers and others when they tell you that you can't do this and you won't make it because you will.  You are going to learn so much. You will have a fantastic career as a palliative care nurse.  You are amazing.  

Regardless of the negative people out there; there is so much love for you it has taken me my whole life to realise it.  You have so many amazing friends who are always there for you as you have been for them.  They all love you as you are. A piece of advice, don't be afraid to let people walk out of your life. Sometimes people are in our lives for a brief moment and then move on.  Don't take it personally, it just is what it is. You don't need to be anyone else just you. Also however you are feeling, it is ok to feel that way. 

You are beautiful and the world needs you in it. Don't ever forget that.  You are going to have a beautiful wife and children. There will be hardships but you will get through them.  You will have a life full of happiness even if it doesn't feel that way sometimes.  

Finally don't forget to love yourself. It is ok to put your needs first sometimes. 
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