New mind/ new beginning

 Why do I always put others feelings first? What about me?  Half the time I think I am doing them a favour but they don't like.  I end up feeling upset with myself and the people I try to please aren't pleased anyway. So why do I always try to please them. What about me? If I start by trying to please myself first then at least one person is happy.  Like the type of music I play I love classical music when I need to relax my senses and get creative.  But I assume my passengers hate it.  I edit my playlist for them ahh Neil Diamond noooo! Move onto the Bee Gees, the Beatles or Rolling Stones.  Yes they'll like that I think.  But what if they don't?  What if they don't care. What then.  I am the unhappy one, yes me!  Don't I deserve to be happy just once?  My therapist said 'it is not your job to provide happiness for other people.' Only they can do that.  This thought really has hurt me but the worst thing is I can't stop p...

The pandemic has rocked and turned our world upside down.  During this time I have been working in different fields to gain a wide breadth of skills that I can offer employers and clients. That said I have started my business " Dream it to be it Copywriting and Content writing services"  My aim is to make the science behind some depression, anxiety and other conditions understandable and accessible to everyone regardless of their background.   Please take a look by going to  www.dreamittobeit.com Parts of my site are still under construction so I apologise for it not being completely polished.  I hope to be able to serve some of you there.  I will of course still keep this blog going.  So keep reading and commenting. Love to you all 

Today is your day!   Whatever you dream of, you can achieve it!   Just reach for it.  You will succeed more than you ever imagined.  Yes some doors will close but I guarantee others will open.   Don't compare Comparing ourselves to others always leads us to feelings of inadequacy.  This is your race.  The only one you are competing against is you.  Over the years I have learnt that my harshest critic is me.   I tend to hold myself back because I fear what others will think or say.   Experiment Thinking about my last blog, is it a burglar or a cat? (The battle within) My fears might not be realized.   What if everything goes right? What if I get that promotion?  Isn't it worth a gamble?  Well I think it is. In my post Jump before you are ready  I talk about the importance of investing in yourself. (Be it a little exercise or whatever)  Fear (anxiety) is ok unless it con...

What you will find in this article: The importance of categorising thoughts  (Is it a thought or emotion?)  Is it a burglar or simply a cat? Focusing inwards you may miss what is going on.  You are not alone.  A difficult day - a feeling followed by a negative thought.  It is not what happens to us that matters but how we deal with it.  My first thought was "I can't do this." "I am rubbish."   Then the feeling of butterflies in my stomach.  Normally I would rumourate, my thoughts and mood would deteriorate.   However this time after my CBT session I tried to slow my breathing, so held my breath for 20 seconds.  This redirected blood flow back to my brain so I could think clearly.   In fight or flight mode we are unable to think clearly as our blood supply to the brain is reduced.  It is re-directed towards the arms and legs, so we can get ready to fight or run.   Is it a thought?  Identifying if my...

Feeling the need to Justify myself Everyday I feel anxious about what others are thinking, what I am thinking and worry others can see what I am thinking  from my body language. To make myself feel less anxious I alter my behaviour, (e.g. don't make eye contact or talk too much)   In such situations I worry others are looking down on me.  I try to find a connection with the other person and try to justify why I am worth talking too and not abused anymore.  Does reduce my anxiety? No, I then worry I have said toi much, they think I am stupid etc.   The truth is I don't need to justify myself to anyone. We are all equal regardless of what material assets we have, where we live or our ethnic background etc. Above all else we are all human beings.  Stop Justifying Myself My therspist suggested that I am fight or flight mode.   One solution when anxious, hold my breath for 20 seconds. It will allow me to think more clearly and slow down my br...

Driving to work listening to Mozarts magic flute.  The queen of the night Aria.  The only difference was this is the Sussex Downs not Oxfordshire and I'm driving an 8 seater VW Transporter and not a classic mark II Jaguar.  Anyway that aside I felt very good, relaxed, poised, professional and ready to focus on a fantastic day  ahead

One of the hardest things in life is letting go. So many thoughts, feelings and expectations.  Even for a brief moment, your mind is telling you about a whole list of things you need to do.   Three times I tried to just be, but my mind kept knocking.   Guilty feelings appeared fueled by thoughts of, 'you should do this', 'you won't achieve your dreams if you do this', 'everyone will be upset with you if you don't do this now.'  Such a barrage of opinions, none of it true .   I will achieve, I will get to where I want to be.  Meditation or just being will help me achieve.    Using the insight timer app I was transported to a native american settlement  Amazing, free sleep, meditation app.   Result feeling good, clear head and feeling more positive.     I noticed I have been getting a lot of muscle pain recently due to chronic anxiety and stress. I knew I needed some time out.  Do what makes you happ...

Me:   It's all about you! You: What? Me:   Your life is all about you!   You:  Oh, ok.  What do you mean? Throughout life there are the should's and the wants.   If you are anything like me, there have been a lot of should's but very little thought given to the latter.  What do I want to do?  Other people have always given me their opinion, this has led me to a life of living for others.  Don't get me wrong sometimes we have to put other people first and certainly that is what I have done, but there must be space for you.  What do you want to do? rather than what would they like me to do?  Survival  - If I fit in with everyone, everyone will like me and they won't hurt me anymore.  This was a rule that helped me at some point, it has helped me survive but I no longer want to survive , I want to live .  Let's be honest my life has had some good times but I have never really lived it for me, always ...

Perfection the road to nowhere Are you a perfectionist? There is nothing wrong with seeking to improve yourself or your work, but when you seek perfection holds you back through fear that is when it becomes a problem.  I always try to be perfect or achieve my perception of perfect anyway.  The trouble with perfection, is it is a misguided idea that no one can achieve.  David Burns said 'look around, can you see anything that is completely perfect and does not need to be changed?  Thomas Aquinas told us to think of a perfect island.   In answer to both nothing is completely perfect.  You can always add an extra palm tree to an island. This brings to my mind the thought I have to be perfect.  Everyone has to like me. Everyone must think highly of me. I should be able to create the perfect situation/environment for everyone.  I am an absolute mess,  if I don't achieve all of these things then I have failed, I am useless and I am rubbish....