New mind/ new beginning

One of the hardest things in life is letting go. So many thoughts, feelings and expectations.  Even for a brief moment, your mind is telling you about a whole list of things you need to do.   Three times I tried to just be, but my mind kept knocking.   Guilty feelings appeared fueled by thoughts of, 'you should do this', 'you won't achieve your dreams if you do this', 'everyone will be upset with you if you don't do this now.'  Such a barrage of opinions, none of it true .   I will achieve, I will get to where I want to be.  Meditation or just being will help me achieve.    Using the insight timer app I was transported to a native american settlement  Amazing, free sleep, meditation app.   Result feeling good, clear head and feeling more positive.     I noticed I have been getting a lot of muscle pain recently due to chronic anxiety and stress. I knew I needed some time out.  Do what makes you happ...

Me:   It's all about you! You: What? Me:   Your life is all about you!   You:  Oh, ok.  What do you mean? Throughout life there are the should's and the wants.   If you are anything like me, there have been a lot of should's but very little thought given to the latter.  What do I want to do?  Other people have always given me their opinion, this has led me to a life of living for others.  Don't get me wrong sometimes we have to put other people first and certainly that is what I have done, but there must be space for you.  What do you want to do? rather than what would they like me to do?  Survival  - If I fit in with everyone, everyone will like me and they won't hurt me anymore.  This was a rule that helped me at some point, it has helped me survive but I no longer want to survive , I want to live .  Let's be honest my life has had some good times but I have never really lived it for me, always ...