New mind/ new beginning

I'm so tired. I'm so tired. I can't carry on. The noise of my inner critic and the criticism from others is too much for me.  Add in the constant loss of earnings, the bank wanting money. Joel's brain tumour, my painful memories of being abused and the nursing council investigation it has laid me low.   On a positive side, I'm working as a minibus driver taking a disabled child to and from school and taking keyworkers to work.  It is less stressful and I am doing an important job.  Professor Peters* in the chimp paradox says this is my chimp as it is emotionally driven. My chimp has experienced a lot of trauma since I was a child.  So no wonder I have these strong emotions.   I need to nurture and manage my chimp.  One way to nurture the chimp is to exercise, this will help reduce the negative feelings.  Another way to nurture the chimp is to be kind to yourself. My counsellor reminded me that not everything that happened to me is my fau...

  Thoughts and feelings.  Feelings are extremely fickle.  One minute they are up and I feel ok, then the next moment they are down.  Why?  I am currently listening to “The Chimp Paradox” by Prof Steve Peters.  Often in neuropsychology, the brain is separated into the reptilian brain and the bird brain.  The reptilian including parts of the brain that do things without us even being conscious of it.   The bird however is part of the brain which requires some thought.  You will see in some books it is split into the lower and higher brain.    Enough with these explanations, Peter's point is the chimp acts without, evidence or reflective thought.  When we feel low but are not sure why this is often caused by the chimp.  You know someone is in chimp mode when they use words like a feel rather than I think.  Don’t get me wrong sometimes our emotions can alert...

Winning or losing it's all about perspective Are emotions stronger than logic? Robert Kiyasaki in his book Rich Dad's cashflow quadrant talks about how our emotions are often stronger than our logic.  Most of us know that we need to exercise but often don't do it because we don't feel like it.   A financial example is many advertisers will show a new product like a luxury car. Emotionally I want that car but logic says I know I can't afford it now.  So as if to anticipate this they say the magic words of reduced payments and words like 'luxury never became so affordable.' Also, you have already been sold the idea that you own the car. Where the mind goes the body follows also. (Roy H Williams ' Wizard of Ads') You get the idea.  At that point, our logic goes out of the window and we get into debt.  This shows our need for emotional intelligence and financial intelligence. It costs x,y,z but I don't need it, it is going to cost me a lot more by t...

Meltdowns verses a naughty child. A trip to Tesco's to buy an outfit for Halloween.  James suddenly didn't want us to pay for things he wanted to leave the store.  He threw himself on the floor when I stopped him from running. The security guard watched us with an air of suspicion.  Thoughts do I admit defeat, dump the shopping in the store and come back another time.  James still clinging onto the witched outfit.  No I went to the express checkout.  James followed me taking his coat off he screamed, everyone looked.  I announced sorry he has autism.  As we left the store refused to move. So I borrowed a basket as I thought I could carry him, his coat and the shopping.  As we walked through door still screaming he tried to grab my hair and ended up grabbing my mask and pulling it off my face. I dropped some of the shopping. The security guard concerned asked if I was ok and gave me my mask back.  I struggled to get James acro...

Do you jump before you are ready? You will never feel ready.  Life is about the experience, if we fear pursuing our dreams and do nothing,  we will never know what might have been. Doing nothing may feel safe but it prevents us from learning. Have no regrets.   If it is something that moves you to action you should go for it.   Feel the fear and do it anyway.   Look back on your life for what you did, not what you wish you had done.  A life of no regrets. I am not saying I have it all sewn up, but life is what you make it, most often I struggle to act. Do I get scared and think "what if it all goes wrong?" Yes.  Now I am not saying make uncalculated risks,  I am saying sometimes you have to take a risk in order to grow.  Sometimes that is when we do not feel ready.   Make a small investment in yourself today Invest in yourself today that might be exercise or learn a new skill, connect with someone.  Get out there...

We're both sitting in the living room with headphones on listening to music.  Trying to drown out the noise of our youngest son shouting the same thing over and over and over, while playing with his cars. Asking him to stop he just shouts louder and says no.    We've been to Portsmouth today he wanted to walk a particular way and did not want to go to the toilet, so started screaming and throwing himself on the floor.  People looking on assuming we are bad parents.  As I pick him up his feet swing wildly striking me in the shins while he puts his whole body weight down through his legs causing me to need to waddle. The screaming continues as we head into the toilets. To the naked eye you would think this is just a normal childhood tantrum. However this child is wearing a sunflower lanyard. This indicates that he has a hidden disability.  Yes James is verbal but he has autism, social and communication delay.  Mentally he is a 2 year old who struggles ma...

What an amazing lady.  An ex-colleague once commented fighting fire with fire was the way to deal with some people. Looking back, I have only found this approach to make a situation far worse. It is like adding fuel to a fire making it even bigger and causing problems you may not have had before speaking.  That is not to say we should always keep silent when being oppressed or when witnessing prejudice for example.    So many times you look back at a difficult situation and think, I wish I had said this or that!   If you are anything like me,  I often feel guilt for whatever my response is. I feel that I am somehow expected to respond in a particular way, make myself look tough for example. Reflection often helps me to see that often times I responded as I should have. I responded as me, for I cannot be someone else. One final thought.   It is good to celebrate the life of inspirational people but make sure you do not use it ...